This I Believe......

I will be the first person to admit that I don’t like change. I really hate it, at the same time I know that change can be a good thing. I am a simple person. I like when things are predictable and constant. Change is scary and the point of change is not knowing what is going to happen and I don’t like that. I know that things can not stay the same forever, but when you get used to something it is hard to let go. Like going to college in the fall, I have spent the last 4 years going to the same place, doing the same things and seeing the same people.

My life changed at the end of freshman year. My family and I moved in with my Aunt because my mom was getting a divorce from her husband, my brother and sisters father. We stayed there around 7 months. Then we moved to Saco. When you depend on someone for most of your life you kind of get used to it so when we moved and my sister, brother and me only had my mother it is different. To change from one parent to 2 was weird. And moving to Saco. I spent much of my young life in Dayton, where you had to drive to get places the nearest store was 20 minutes away instead of 5 and having neighbors. None of us liked moving and changing everything, but we got over as soon as we realized that everything that happened was worth it and a good thing for all of us. And now I am going to college on my own and having to change almost everything is a change that may be worth it in the end but from the beginning point I am not really liking it much.

I believe in change even though I do not like it. I am not entirely sure that makes any sense to anyone but to me change is what made my life what it is today. Not liking change and appreciating the impact that it causes is a paradox, but that’s me. If I were not moving and living with one parent I can guarantee you that I would not be going to an amazing college next fall, I would be a miserable human being, and I would not have the relationship that I have with my family that I have now.

In Like A Child

2007 I entered high school. It was not fun and exciting. I almost threw up. Going into high school I was this 14 year old quiet girl sitting in the corner. Now 4 years later I'm a 18 year old quiet girl sitting in the corner who occasionally gets up and gets loud. Ocasionally!

When I was 14 and entering high school I was literally the quiet girl sitting in the corner. I didn't like it but I'm not the "out there" kind of person. I didn't join in on anything the first 2 years of high school. I woke up, went to school, did homework and went to bed and repeated that everyday. It seemed so much easier than putting myself out there and interacting with people when I didn't have to.

Now I'm 18 and I get out sometimes and I participate more. I'm not sure what happened, I think it was that I became best friends with the MOST obnoxious, loudest, hyper, crazy girl known to man that pushed me out of the corner or that I realized that sitting in the corner wasn't helping me.
to me I don't think I changed that much. But to my mother I have changed a lot and reminds me everyday.

I would like to say that I changed on my own realizing I was boring person and wanted to change, but I can't. Tiffany Clemens. The loudest, obnoxious, crazy, hyper person known to man. Ever. Who is also my best friend. She made me not so boring and not so quiet. She pushed me and sometimes I hate her for it but when it comes down to it I owe her I would be the girl who skated through high school without ever really doing anything.

A Lesson Learned

I have learned a lot in the past 4 years like: how to graph hard equations or write a better essay, use stickies when reading a book in English will help a ton when it comes to writing the essays. I have also learned stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with reading or writing essays or math equations like: never walk up or down the stairs and text at the same time, when walking between a row of desks watch out for backpack straps they like to sneak up on you when your not looking, movie time doesn’t equal nap time movie material sometimes it becomes test material, cramming never works.

4 years of high school and I learned a lot. Some of it I won’t ever use again and some it will be useful for a long time. The one major lesson I learned I didn’t really learn from a teacher or a class. Or learning to do something. It is that being the quiet girl in the corner won’t get me as far. Sitting in a corner instead of joining will hold me back. That being the quiet girl in the corner is what I’ll always be if I don’t participate.

In 4 years I never joined anything except chorus but that was for a credit to graduate. I never participated in sports, groups or sometimes in class. I didn’t even want to go to any of the dances Homecoming, Winter carnival even prom because dancing and being loud isn’t who I am. I kept thinking to myself that I would join next year that, that would be better and when the next year came around I came up with an excuse to get myself out of what I promised the year before. I figured if I sit in the corner and don’t move that the year would go by and the 4 years would go by fast but I was wrong. I do regret not doing anything.

A lesson I learned during my 4 years of high school was that being the quiet girl in the corner made me boring and predictable. It made me a safe person.

A Sense of Place

I didn’t really need to think about a place on campus that meant something to me. The minute I read the paper I knew exactly what I was going to write about. I don’t really remember freshman year and sophomore year was boring, slow and to be honest I don’t remember much from that year either. It was all a blur of homework and test. Junior year was my favorite and the only one I remember most of. I didn’t have any hard classes like Spanish which I had freshman and sophomore year. I didn’t have any hard teachers and all my classes were fun and easy. But the best out of the entire year was Algebra 2 with Mrs. Rousseau.

I’m not a math person. I hate it with a passion and I am not really good at it. I grew up in Dayton and they didn’t really teach us any math so when I got to higher grades all my math teachers didn’t understand that I didn’t understand any of it. But Mrs. Rousseau did. The best thing was that there wasn’t any projects or essays that we had to do. Just homework and tests. Which wasn’t that hard. But I was actually could not wait to have math class. I looked forward to it and I never looked forward to math. By the end of third block I was actually excited to go to class. Thinking back now the science wing is my favorite place. I had most of my good classes and it’s closer to the cafe.

But the thing I remember most out of 4 years and lots of memories was that I could be myself. I could talk in front of everyone and I could talk to the teacher, I wasn’t afraid to mess up. I like being able to participate in class and know that I knew what I was talking about. The other classes the teachers just taught, but this class the entire class talked about everything. Sometimes I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and I was crying. We spent half the class talking about everyone’s day and the other half going over the homework.

To make things better Sarah Hoodlette and Tiffany Clemens, two of my best friends, were in that class with me. We were always talking and having fun. We never got anything accomplished in class besides the weekend plans. Which never involved the math homework. We worked on everything together which got us in trouble because we never really got anything done. And we talked a lot. Besides the class was the last block and having math first or last block is bad it is either to way early or you just want to go home and focusing on the equation to figure out the radius of a circle was out of the question.

Third Vignette

Six Flags
Six flags was fun. Waiting in line get food just to eat it wait in line for a ride and then throw up the food you waited 20 minutes in line for. Rude people, rude ride people, rude food vendors and rude parking people. The best part was the ride home. My aunt, cousins and I had stayed in an hotel and we left for Maine in the morning. A normal ride from Six Flags to Waterboro Maine is 4 and half hours it took us 11 hours. We left at 8 in the morning and we got home at 7 at night. We all got up and got dressed and did everything that we had to do before we left. My aunt owns a jeep sitting 5 people in a 4 person jeep. Not easy. My Aunt let my cousin Derek drive which took us so long. The 3 of us in the back decided to take a nap we were asleep for and hour and half. We fell asleep in mass and woke up 5 minutes away from the Canadian border in Vermont. That was not where we wanted to be. We drove around a lot that day. After 3 states, 5 pit stops, 13 different turnpike exits, 1 food place that looked like it came straight out of Stephen King novel we made it home. Everyone thought it was hilarious and they turned it into a family joke. They got a kick out of it for a long time. It was fun. Well besides the food place. It was creepy and scary.

Crayon Color

My crayon color today would be gray. Because I'm tired and exhausted. It reminds me of when it rains and the sky is gray and its dark in the middle of the day when the sun should be shining and I should be happy, full of energy. I like it when its like that. Gray because it fits my mood today, wishing that I could stay in bed and it be all rainy outside and have a fresh start the next day.

Knowing something I didn't want to know

A time I knew something I really didn't want to know was when I was in 2nd grade and my mom told me why my name was different then hers and my siblings. I didn't really want to know, but I would have figured it out eventually. My Mom took me out to lunch and she told me why. My dad is different than my siblings. She showed me pictures and all sorts of stuff in my baby box. Even in 2nd grade I understood what she told me meant and it changed a lot of stuff. I didn't want to know because I thought it was bad, but turns out it wasn't that bad. Even though I didn't want to know and even though I was only in 2nd grade everything was different.

Suffer

A time I knew I was going to suffer but went ahead with it anyway would be when I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I knew I was going to suffer which is why I didn't want to do it, but I had to which made everything worse. The first time I went in for surgery I cried when they gave me the anesthesia I have no idea why but I did. This time when they gave it to me I laughed. My mom said that I fell asleep laughing at nothing which everyone found amusing. I woke up to the nurses trying to get my drugged brother to sit in a chair. I couldn't feel my face at all. And I sounded like I was a drunk person trying to talk. I remember going home and falling asleep for a while. I woke up in pain and my face looking like chipmunk that was eating. The doctor had given us pain pills. I didn't really want to take them because the last time I took  pain pills I ended up stuck in changing room in Reny's, but my mother made me take them. I knew I was going to suffer but I thought it would be for a couple of days. I was wrong, very wrong. It was a week. When it the pain did go away it came back. I didn't eat anything but yogurt and applesauce while my brother was eating 3 sausage on the night he had them done. It was bad enough I had to have my mother feed me and the spoon wouldn't fit in my mouth, but I had to sit there and watch my brother eat normal food. My face was still swollen when his was just fine. And if things weren't bad enough for me half of my mouth was still numb. I couldn't feel a thing for a month. It goes to show the luck I have. Slime to none. Then one side of the swelling went down and I looked like I had stored food in there for a snack for later. It turns out that when I went back to the doctors I had an infection and I couldn't open my mouth open all the way so I still couldn't most things. This time I didn't get pills I got some nasty mouthwash and a lecture from the doctor about not taking care of my mouth right which I thought was funny because I couldn't feel my face and I couldn't open my mouth right to be able to do anything, but that might have been the pills. The mouthwash made my mouth numb and everything tasted weird for 2 weeks.

Second Vingnette

Boston in a wheelchair.
I had broken my leg a week earlier at Camp Keive where I fell. Well my 6th grade class were also going to the Boston Science Museum and I really wanted to go. I had already paid for it so my mom let me go. It was an interesting experiance. I was hard enough getting on the bus with crutches the train was worse. It made me nauseous. I couldn't get up because my teacher didn't want me walking on crutches on the train so I had to have everyone do stuff for me which was horrible. Then the worst part came getting to Museum. The train station wasn't that far from the Museum so we had to walk but when the class decided that they didn't think anyone would be in a wheelchair. It was interesting being pushed in a wheelchair on the sidewalks of Boston. I thought my class mates wouldn't let the fact that i fell and hurt myself but after that day they would never let that go. After getting stuck on the sidewalk by the wheelchair for 20 minutes we made it to the Museum. My group had 3 other people. I don't know how long we spent in the Museum, but it was fun I was pushed into the elevator door and then again into the wall. Then my group wanted me to take the escolator on crutches. I wouldn't recommend that, getting on was hard but getting off was terrible. I got a laugh out of it. So did the entire 6th grade.

An epiphany

A time something dawned on was the other day when I was doing financial aid for college. It hit me that I'm almost 19 and I'll be living on my own and that I'm an adult. That I might actually have to act my age. I never put 2 and 2 together before.  I guess I probably should have figured it out by my mother crying every time I talked about going away. It felt weird when I realized this, it was horrible the thought of acting like my age gave me the creeps.

Memior Poem

In 1992  I was born.
1993 A year and 3 months later so was my sister.
1994 9 months after that my mom was married.
1995 A year after that my brother was born.

A month later I started kindergarten.
I learned how to count and tie my shoes.
Then came first grade that was terrible always getting into trouble.
What was more terrible was repeating first grade.
The move to Dayton was hot and horrible.
 2nd grade came and no repeats there.
 3rd, 4th and 5th went by like nothing.

Then 6th grade full of klutzyness and crutches.
The change from elementary to Middle was a big step.
7th and 8th grade year was a blur.
Moving to Saco, moms divorce. 
9th and 10th were just plain hard.
11th even harder.
Now colleges, financial aid, jobs.

Defined by where we come from?

I think that other people define us by where we come from. We see what we want to see and nothing else. In the book Jeannette didn't see herself as the daughter of the town drunk who was going nowhere in life, but the man who gave them a ride home did and so did the other inhabitants of Welch. People see where we come from and they judge and define. I think it depends because people have to know where you come from in order to define you, what they see is what they define you by.

Picking 1 item in 3 minutes

Out of everything, if I had 3 minutes to choose one thing to take with me it would be my Teddy Bear. Without a doubt. And I my be 18 and it may seem childish, but honestly I can't sleep without it. And I'm not ashamed of it. It's big and soft, like when you buy a new pillow from the store. It has a Christmas hat and scarf. I got it for Christmas in 2009 from my Aunt. I picked it out myself. I don't have a lot of actual stuff that means a lot to me. I have my phone, Ipod and a T.V. but nothing means that much to me besides Teddy Bear. It's more the person who gave it to me than anything. I keep everything my aunt gives me clothes, cards but this things I can't lose.

1 one my list of ten experiences

Camp Keive
Camp Keive is a camp for kids to learn stuff about nature and about themselves. I went in 6th grade. Actually I went with my 6th grade class. Camp Keive is something that the 6th graders had done for years. It was when the 6th grade class was still in Dayton Elementary school. We were the last class that was able to go so we all felt privileged. I don't remember where is was, but it took a while and we were far from home. We had to take a school bus. It wasn't comfortable especially with 30 kids and 2 teachers and 32 to bags of luggage that was sliding everywhere. We stayed from Monday to Thursday. when we got there I thought it was going to be just like any other camp, playing games, swimming and other activities. It wasn't. It was in the woods protected by large trees with pathways going everywhere. We did all sorts of things hikes, played games where we actually learned things. But the best part was the rope exercises. We would harness up and climb up a tree. I don't remember the heights but there was two at different heights. I did the highest one and it scared the crap out of me. we had to cross a wire that was attached to 2 trees. We had to hold on to other wires for balance. When you looked at it from the tree it looked like a triangle. I barley made it up the tree trunk. Which was hard in its self because I'm weakling it was hard to climb. When I made it the wire I was freaking out I only made it halfway through the wire. But I climbed a tree and walked on a wire that was pretty far off the ground so I was proud of myself. That was on Tuesday. The rest of the time we did exercises to learn more about ourselves. At the end we had a dance with everyone. My best memory of that place would be when I tripped over a root and twisted my ankle. I told everyone I was fine because I didn't want to go home so I limped for 2 days. It was swollen and different colors but I dealt with it because I was having fun and I had been looking forward to the trip. Turns out that I broke it and my mother wasn't impressed that I didn't tell anyone but I made it. Most of my class mates wouldn't let me live it down. I was the klutz of the 6th grade class for a while. And to make things more interesting than they all ready where the Monday after we came back our class was going to the Boston and I had to go in a wheelchair.

First Memory

My first memory was when I was 7 and my family and I moved to Dayton. It was summer and we had to stay in a camper only for a few days because my grandparents were slow on the moving. I think they did that on purpose, to get a laugh, they thought it was hilarious. The first day we actually got to stayed in the house was hectic. There were boxes everywhere and every 5 minutes I would trip on something, it was always me never any one else. The worst part would be the fact that it seemed like the hottest day of that summer. I was mad and happy at the same time. Mad that we had to move again and happy that we didn't have to live around people. The nearest neighbors were like half a mile away we could yell and scream but no would be able to hear us. It was fun.

6 word memiors

Peas in a pod Not anymore.

Running into walls Slipping on ice

My life One circle of boring

Doesn't need to be cold anymore

Tired, I want summer to come

I feel like playing jump rope

10 experiances I would write about

1. 8th grade promotion
2. First day of Freshman year
3. Camp Keive
4. Boston- wheelchair
5. Moving to Saco
6. Getting accepted into college
7. First Job
8. New York
9. Six flags
10. Driving

Dialectical journal

Quote/page#- Page 208 " In 25 years, I told myself, I'd be as old as she was now. I had no idea what my life would be like then, but as I gathered my schoolbooks and walked out the door, I swore to myself that  it would never be like mom's that I would not be crying my eyed out in an unheated shack in some godforsaken holler."
Response- I think this is significant because she is able to be around her parents and realize that it's not a good life. Because she wants to be different even though she was raised the way that she was. Even though her life could be total wreck in 25 years she was determined not to become her mother.

Observation- Mom buying "extravagent" things to feel rich - Page 197
By working on the wave Jeannette gets the whole story and not just what her parents think or their perspective - Page 205

Funny Moment- When Jeannette makes her own braces. It's a funny thing to imagine.

Favorite meal

I'm Addicted to Mac + Cheese. To me it's amazing it's like eating heaven. Shells + Cheese, Kraft it really doesn't matter. I love it. I could eat for breakfast lunch and dinner. Probably what I'll be living off of in the future. But I would have to say that my all time favorite is my grandfather's homemade Mac + Cheese. The last time I ate it was a couple months ago. It's smells amazing. The melted cheese. I'm always told to wait a few minutes for it to cool down, but I don't and I burn my tongue and the roof of my mouth. I usually complain later. I always beat my family to the counter and then I beat them for seconds and sometimes thirds depending on generous I feel in sharing it with others.

Keeps you awake at night

COLLEGE. The thought of be by myself and having to do everything alone like laundry and eat scares the crap out of. An I'll be honest I'm a momma's girl. I don't think I could make it. She helps me with everything. And the thought off doing it on my own keeps me awake at night. Like laundry, working and doing homework and other stuff. I get all panicky and sweaty usually around the thought off doing my laundry. Then I feel like the room is getting smaller and then it just feels like I'm sitting on the sun. Then I sit there and tell myself I can and I force myself to think about something else. Which it usually ends up being the homework that I didn't do and I try to avoid that subject.

When you knew Glory

The one moment I can remember would have to be 6th grade. Mr. Harris's class. We had a spelling bee with both 6th grade classes. it was about 30 students. I wasn't really nervous because I thought I had no chance of winning so I really didn't care. I got the first word right than the second, third until there was 2 people left. Another girl and Me. It lasted for about 20 minutes. By then I was a little bit nervous because everyone was staring. The last word I had to spell was condiments. I lost. But I was proud of myself little did I know it would get better. My teacher had to send 2 people to the bigger spelling bee. the other girl and Me. I was in second place, but I didn't care. The next spelling bee was held at Saco Middle School in the library. I was extremely nervous. This was different then with the people that I knew. It was hard to focus, new people, new place. 2 hours later after almost running away or almost getting sick I won. I don't know how but I did. I was really proud of myself and I felt accomplished. I had never won anything up until then, it felt good.

significant quote, favorite scene, observation of The Glass Castle

A significant quite from last nights reading would be from page 28 "Mom never seemed upset about Mary Charlene's death. "God knows what He's doing" she said. "He gave me some perfect children, but He also gave me one that wasn't so perfect, so He said, 'Oops I better take this one back'." I think is significant because she sounds like she doesn't care what happens. That she hasn't fully grown up yet.
My favorite scene from last nights reading would be when Jeannette and her mother are in the restaurant and her mother tells Jeannette that her values are confused from page 5 "I'm fine. You're the one who needs help. Your values are all confused."  It's my favorite scene because the mother is homeless and she is the one that is saying this to her daughter who has money and living in a good home.
An observation from last nights reading is that Jeannette's parents seem to be immature and they don't seem to have the kids best interest sometimes. When Jeannette was cooking hot dogs at the age of 3 and her mother was of painting.  When Jeannette's father took her out of he hospital just because he doesn't like doctors when she needed them and when Brian hit his head and they decided not to take him to the hospital.